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Xavier, 1995.Xavier
Sutter and Jones Apartment,
San Francisco
August 6, 1995
Another thing that bugs me is how certain people are classified as victims of this virus and others aren't. No one is a victim of HIV. We're all people living with this virus. It shouldn't matter how you contracted it. We're living with it and that's that. HIV has affected every single demographic on this planet. It has stretched far beyond gay, drug user, minority, uneducated, or poor. Yet, so many people in this country continue to hold on to these ridiculous stereotypes as a way to play the blame game, and as a way to divide us. When I go back to Arizona some people that I meet are interested that I live in San Francisco. They ask me, "How many people do you know with AIDS?" as if people with AIDS only live in San Francisco. All I could think is, well, you're looking at one. I wish this virus didn't have to be politicized and have certain stigmas attached with it. I wish people could have the same reaction to HIV as they do to, say, diabetes. But, I guess that'll never happen because HIV is often associated as a sexually transmitted disease and we all know how America reacts to anything regarding sex.
MW: How do you feel government and health institutions view you as a young positive person?
Xavier: I don't always feel like I am a real person in their eyes. I'm just another piece of data for them to determine who gets funded this year. I've come to realize that I really don't have much control over my health. It's some fat guy in Washington D.C. making the decisions. They determine where the money goes, which trickles down to what doctors I see, what medicines I can take, what facilities and resources are available to me. There's big money in this new AIDS industry and I don't always feel like those running it really know who we are. Fortunately, I can say it's been a good year, but I don't know what the future holds.
As far as doctors are concerned, many doctors like to make you think they
are all knowing; that they have an answer for every little thing that bothers
you. Take this pill or that one. We have put so much faith in their abilities,
but they don't always have all the answers. This virus mutates differently
among everyone and everyone has a different genetic makeup to combat it.
Each year, there is new information that pops out. What was thought of as
a wise thing to do two years ago isn't anymore. But don't get me wrong, there
are some useful things doctors can analyze like blood counts and what not.
But as far as treatments go, what works for someone else may not work with
me and vice versa. That's why I think developing a long term relationship
with a doctor that you trust is important. Ask questions. Get informed. Know
what you're putting into your body before you take it. But, most importantly
listen to your body. It knows a lot more than these doctors. I'm going to
the Haight-Ashbury Free Clinic now. The doctor I see is very informed and
not only promotes western medicines, but works with me on some alternative
treatments that I'm taking. To me that's important.
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