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Stella,
1995.Stella
On the jungle gym in a park in the Upper Haight, near her apartment
April 26, 1995
MW: So how do things work with your sister now?
Stella: They're weird, we're really close in a lot of ways and I spend a lot of time with her when I'm in New Orleans. Her husband, who I really love called me up and he was like "Stella, come home for Christmas, I'll pay for it and take it out in a pound of flesh!" We are really close and I know that she's gonna be really upset, but she made this one stupid AIDS joke. It hurts and I just would die if she said, "How could you come in our house? How could you come skiing with us? How could you sleep with the kids?" Now I might be able to take that more because I can tell her straight to her face that she is wrong, whereas a few years ago I would have said I'm sorry to all of those things. They are the very people that need to be educated and need to know that their sister has HIV. It's just hard to throw your body out there and let it be their education.
MW: Does the rest of your family have an agreement not to tell her? They must talk about it.
Stella: I don't think they talk about it all that freely. I think if Sandy knew, they would talk among themselves even when she's not involved. They're not all that open about it now except with me. I think my mom and my brother talk about it a lot. I feel comfortable talking to my mom because she's not paranoid. She doesn't think, "Oh my god you're gonna get sick." Or at least if she does she doesn't act that way.
MW: She's probably scared though.
Stella: I know, but that was the least of my worries. About three times a year it hits me that I could get really sick and die. I think more about, who's gonna reject me because I want to fuck them or whatever. I've had to deal with it as a social disease, not a medical problem. A lot of my energy is put into making sure that I'm emotionally okay with how the world deals with HIV. I should be able to worry more about my own health.
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