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Junior,
1995.
Junior
August 3, 1995
Junior's Apartment
Upper Tenderloin, San Francisco
Junior's younger brother Bunso is present.
MW: It seems like you never quite lived the life of a young person. Do you feel like that shifted even more with HIV?
Junior: My life is even more focused now. I'm still going at the same pace, but for a more concise and clear reason. If I die at 30 it doesn't matter, because I know in my heart I'm 55. I'd like to die if I'm 55. I don't want to be old. I'm afraid of getting old. I guess I'm lucky. I'm getting my wish.
Bunso and I were walking on Market Street after work, and he mentioned something related to age, and I made the comment, "It doesn't matter for me because I won't get old." He stopped walking because he was upset. But to me it's nice when you make fun out of living with HIV. It releases some of the tension inside.
I try to hold on too much. One day, all of a sudden, I'll blast open. Even though I'm really upset, I won't say anything. Sometimes I question myself: How come I don't cry? There are days that I don't think about HIV. I think for a month I forgot I have HIV, because I wasn't taking the medication. When you take your medication it reminds you. I hate taking my medication.
Bunso: I thought you were taking vitamins before you told me you had HIV.
Junior: In April I told everyone at work that I'm HIV positive. April is closure month, because that's my anniversary date, I think.
MW: Had you told anyone before then?
Junior: I told a few people. The first person I told was Barbara, the woman I mentioned before. I told her in September. In December my brother was here visiting me home from school, and I mentioned something because he's trying to use my clippers. Sometimes I cut myself. So I told him don't use my clippers. And he asked why. I said, "I have a medical problem, and you can't use my stuff." I wasn't sure if it's right for me to say anything else. He'd go back to school and then start worrying about me. I told him that I have 10 years if I'm lucky, if I take care of myself. I told him, "I'm taking medication, so don't worry." He cried at first and then, he asked, "Are you joking?" "No, I'm not joking." And we didn't talk anymore. He just asked, "Are you...? As long as you're okay, that's fine." And the next day, he made me dinner. And he's never brought it up again. I think he tries to avoid the issue so it won't be hard for me. But in April, when I talked to him, I told him that I was HIV positive. He said he kind of figured it out. Didn't you figure out in December?
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