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Page 3
Junior
August 3, 1995
Junior's Apartment
Upper Tenderloin, San Francisco
Junior's younger brother Bunso is present.
I went to the post office on Pine Street to pick it up. I opened it there. "Oh God." I was reading it trying to understand and digest what it said. "Okay, so I'm HIV positive." I went home and first thing I can think of is, "Oh, God! I only have two years." I let myself believe that I only have two years, because that's what I see in films and hear from people, and I didn't really know anyone who has HIV or AIDS, personally. Then I think about my brother; he just started college. "Oh, God. If I only have two years, then he won't be able to finish. I hope at least I have three years, and maybe for his last year in school he'll be able to manage, if I die." I'm the only relative he has here and we're not getting financial support from our parents. I knew it would be hard but I really want him to be able to go to a college environment and enjoy being a teenager. That's something I really want to experience, but I can't. I don't have the opportunity or the time to do that. I started thinking, "What can I do during this time period?" I decided I have five years. My brother can finish school. Then, I can stop working and maybe go home to the Philippines and spend some time with relatives. For a week I accepted that I only have five years.
I'd
go to work as if nothing is wrong, and talk to my friends and they don't
know. Then I said, "I think I need to look for a doctor." I called the San
Francisco AIDS hotline. . I was afraid. I didn't want to say
my name; I'm really embarrassed. I was at work when I called, so I have
to be really quiet because I'm sharing an office with someone. They told
me to get my blood work analyzed. I went to see my doctor; he re-tested
me to make sure I really have it. It was true. He asked if I would like
to start with AZT and I said, "okay." At that time I have no idea about
medication, I'm concerned about trying to stay healthy. He told me to relieve
stress. At that time, I'm going to school full-time and working full-time.
My employer wanted me to finish my education as soon as possible. They
can't include my name, even though I have experience because I don't have
a degree. I told my doctor that I'll just finish the semester, and then
I'll take a break. I didn't go to school in the fall or the spring, and
I don't think I'll go back any time soon. Before I tested positive, my
dream was to work hard so I could retire at age 40, and go back to an art
school and do my own thing. I used to be an art major, and I changed to
a business major, because I need to survive.
Now, I just want to have more time with friends and family, and go home, get a lot of rest. It's not important if I finish school or not. I could stay competitive at work within the next 10 years based on my experience. People already know me, and my reputation.
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