|
Page 1
|
|
Junior,
1995.
Junior
October 2000
Life Goes On!
Junior: It has been five years since I really worried about HIV. HIV is now a part of my life. Part of my routine. Part of my future. I am still here!!!
A lot has happened since the last time I shared how I felt about HIV in my life. I got married, divorced, finished my bachelor and master degrees, made friends with five wonderful Filipino gay boys, and am now finally getting used to the idea that it is all right to be gay, that being gay does not have to be lonely, a concept that my younger brother keeps on reminding me. By the way, my younger brother Bunso turned out to be gay. He told me several months after the interview. Now, there are three girls in my family! The saying is true, "the more the merrier!"
How I live my life has drastically changed over the years. Looking back on what I said five years ago I released a sigh of shock and disbelief. Not the release that I am so accustomed to. Just kidding! Reading how I convinced myself that dreaming is no longer an option really made me sad. I even felt some tears roll down my checks. "This is not the person that I became!" I now said to myself.
What I saw in the interview was a person trying to convince himself that he was all right living with HIV even though deep in his heart he was lost and could not find the strength to go on living. Embarrassment, fear of rejection, and the anxiety that comes with the concept of potentially dying, were the issues that I visualized over and over. But, I projected the appearance of a person in complete control and at peace with himself. Now I know that not only did I lie to everyone, but I also lied to myself. I do not want this anymore.
Back to top