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Junior,
2000.Junior
October 2000
Life Goes On!
Being HIV positive was hard for my family to accept and live with. Adding to the equation that I am GAY just worsened the situation. So what did I do? Well, I tried to be straight. I got married! I married a young Filipino girl from my hometown, Manila. Her name is Sara.
I married Sara for two reasons. I thought I found the person who I can share my life with. We were so different that one would wonder why we married. As the saying goes, "opposite attract." That is the only explanation I can think of why I married her and maybe why she married me. I also thought that if I can get married and live a life of a straight person, I can erase the stereotype that only gay people get HIV. I do not want my family and the rest of the world to associate my being GAY to HIV. I want them to know that HIV is not discriminating, that HIV can be acquired by anybody. Our marriage lasted only one year. I knew before we married that it would never work, but I still went ahead and married her. I guess I hoped that if I dreamed real hard, it could happen. I was wrong.
My divorce sucked me into a dark hole. I was terrified by it. I remember questioning, "how could this happen to me? All I wanted was to be happy!" I wanted to be happy so badly that I took a chance on something that I knew was way beyond my league. I wanted to be a part of a team that I will never be a part of. I should have accepted that. One thing I learned from this experience was that you do not have to try too hard to be accepted. Just be yourself. Sometimes, that is all you need.
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