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Jeff,
1998
In an undated entry directly following he writes:
I had client today for a RA (risk assessment). He did not appear to be at great risk for infection yet several times expressed deep concern over a possible positive test result. About half way through the session the client asked about projected life span for people w/ HIV. I responded that while we have no way of knowing, people are living longer and healthier with new options for treatment. This seemed to alloy his fears. During the actual test he asked me if I used to speak in schools about HIV. Specifically (I'm assuming) the middle school he went to. I honestly don't remember if I ever spoke at his school; I was hoping the discussion wouldn't shift to my public speaking i.e.: personal experience of HIV. At the end of the session, as we both rose to leave, the client asked me point blank if I have HIV. I have never felt that self-disclosure would be an asset in any client-centered session. I also believe that to maintain integrity I must be honest. I did not want to answer but I did. Yes, I said, I found out just before my sixteenth birthday. I guess I've been living with HIV for over eleven years now. Client looks me up and down and says well I guess you look all right. What can I say? This is why I do this work, here was someone with limited information, he was scared and he came in to be a responsible adult. He got direct answers to his questions and when he saw his fear embodied, he recognized something he might be able to cope with, not the death sentence he expected. The client was able, through his own experiences and perceptions of me to come to terms with the possible consequences of his behavior. I only needed to be present and honest. Pretty groovy.
Sometime in 1998 Jeff wrote these two
entries:
Adversity. A struggle for one becomes a battle for two and an all out war when large groups are involved. Oppression, disease the great evils of our century are also the framework for greatest of miracles- hope, understanding, compassion.
Three years ago:
My life was probably much like it is now. I am sure that BAY Positives was high on my priority list. I didn't really have much else going on. I remember dreading and then attempting a conversation with my mother about insurance/ funeral/ burial costs. My butt leaked constantly. I couldn't eat before I went to work for fear I'd soil my panties. My social life was reduced to either phone conversations or the ugly tension of GI distress at crack parties. I was probably bitter then about some other whack-job that I'd hooked up with and gotten my feelings hurt. I remember being very paranoid about a warrant at least five years old. Alone. I thought, felt, acted, slept and suffered alone. Nothing was new or inspiring. I felt lost and hopeless.
Three years from now:
I want a degree and a job. I want a license and a car. I want to live alone again. I will make a difference. I will share my experience, strength, and hope. I will be THIRTY.
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