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James,
1995.James
July 10, 1995
His Apartment (same as Tapestry’s) Lower Haight
Meredyth: Can you tell me something about what your life was like growing up?
James: "The Shining."
MW: You mean the movie?
James: The one with Jack Nicholson in it. My childhood was horrible. My family was very dysfunctional. I was in a fantasy world from the time I can remember to probably age 16. I was alone all my childhood. My mom was over-protective. I never really fit in anyway. I always liked different things from everybody else in the South. All the people looked at me like, "Who is this strange child?"
Singing was something that I did from the time I can remember. It's always been my escape. When I was unhappy, I would go in the living room, sit in this little corner, and make up songs about what I thought would be happy.
My mom and dad divorced when I was 14. My dad didn't love my mom, my mom loved my dad, my dad would do horrible things to my mom, and it would hurt her, so she would hurt me. When they divorced, I was glad. After high school I joined the Navy to get away. I went to San Diego, and got kicked out for being gay.
I had met some friends who lived in San Diego, and when I told them what was happening they said, "Well, why don't you just stay here?" They showed me around and introduced me to everybody. Then I had my first encounter with HIV. I found out that my roommate was HIV positive, and I packed all my stuff up and moved out. I was ignorant. He hated me after that. He never talked to me again. But... San Diego was wonderful. I think that was the best time in my life. I got a job in a department store. I had a lot of close friends. Life was kind of sweet. Then I met Andy.
Oh, God! Andy was supposed to be a one-night stand. My friends told me, "He's a whore." I lived with him from the first day we met, for four years. The first six months of our relationship was a dream come true. I didn't want to go out, I didn't want to go dancing; I didn't want to mess with other people. I was in love. I knew that he slept around a lot, but he was going to come home to me.
We were doing drugs. Speed was a weekend thing for us. When HIV came, speed was my escape from it. I had no idea what to do, how to handle it, where to go, who to talk to, anything. I lost my job. I spent six months sitting at the dining room table writing, and listening to the radio. Andy was paying all the bills. I was in his control, and that's when it started getting violent. I remember the first time I ever hit him, we were riding down the highway, I was taking him to work, and he said something to me, and I just reached over and slapped the hell out of him.
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