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James
July 10, 1995
His Apartment (same as Tapestry’s) Lower Haight
MW: Were you brought up with any sort of religious background?
James: Mormon. We dressed in white shirts and black pants every Sunday. When we went to church; we were supposed to fast. We couldn't drink coffee and tea. I never really did any of the shit that they said. I thought it was crazy. When they found out I was gay, they excommunicated me, that's the story. The problem with religion is that man forms it and molds it. It's whatever suits his lifestyle. I don't know if it's called God, but I know there's something. I don't believe in mankind. I don't believe the President when he says, "I'm trying to help y'all." You are not. Let somebody from a big company come and offer you some money for your next campaign, you're gonna run over my granny and shoot my mama. There have been times when I fell down on my knees, and I said, "Please help me! I need help!" And it came. There may not be a God; maybe we're just here to learn how to believe in ourselves.
Not many people get to hear this side of me, because you know I always act crazy to try and hide it.
MW: Why?
James: Learned it on the street. If you think I'm somebody who is going to say, "Get the fuck away from me motherfucker, I'll whoop your ass." Then you ain't going to fuck with me. But really there's this whole other person living inside of me.
I'll give you a second chance about anything but friendship, because that's my family. I don't believe in my family. They're oppressed and they ain't doing nothing about it. I've heard my mom complain about everything imaginable for years, but she ain't done nothing to change it. I don't want to hear her problems, anymore. That's one of the reasons that I try and understand why my childhood was like it was. She was a child once too. She got the same things done to her that she did to me. I had my Power of Attorney made not too long ago. I gave it to my best friend. Power of Attorney is the person who gets to say what happens to me if I’m in the hospital and can't take care of myself, or make my own decisions. He can say where I'm buried, how I'm buried, where my things go after I'm gone. It was hard for me not to give it to my mother, but I don't trust her. She wouldn't even let my gay friends come visit me in the hospital, so I had no choice.
MW: How has HIV made you think differently about your life and about time?
James: This is so hard to talk about, you know that?
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