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Jako,
1995.Jako
August 22, 1995
I'd love to talk a little bit more about Nicholas because I feel like I don't give him enough credit sometimes but he's a really important part of my life. I don't meet many men who are as communicative or as feminine. I really like that he has both masculine and feminine qualities. I don't think most men would be considerate enough about foreplay to make sure that I have an orgasm when we have sex. I hate to say it but my experience with men is that typically they can be pigs. He really checks me sometimes when I get to busy, he's like Jako, you are going to make yourself sick if you don't slow down. I ended up with shingles last summer because I was so stressed out. I don't really assign it to HIV because I've met people since then who don't have HIV who have shingles, in their 20's, because of stress. But it was really scary. Of course, after that I sped up again and am doing too much in a day. Today has been a long day. I think about way too many things in a day. I'm a person who really needs to be sitting in a studio, working on a sculpture without any phone calls.
I made this ring. I made one for Nicolas too. It feels kind of growing, fruity and the fact that it is not one solid ring, that it can change all the time... (Pointing to another ring). This one would be really easy to make. I stole it when I was 13. I was a total clepto. My dad taught me how to steal when I was really little. I think at age 4 he started planting things on me. You usually see a little four-year-old kid running around the store with their winter coat on. Just imagine that four-year-old has a couple watches in their sleeve, a screwdriver down the other sleeve and maybe a special inside pocket in the back of her coat for whatever else her dad wants to put in there. I didn't know that stealing was wrong at first. When I was five-years-old I stuffed my little T-shirt full of Barbie clothes at the store. There were Barbie clothes dropping out of my shirt and if you went to the Barbie isle, the floor was covered with the packaging because I had torn it all out of the packing to stuff it in. I was wandering around the store without my mom; she was legitimately shopping that day. The security guard gets me and he's like where is your mother? We found my mom and I was really scared. I didn't understand that having my shirt full of Barbie clothes was wrong. I remember sitting in his office in the back of the store and he was saying, "You should definitely reprimand her some way. Are you sure she hasn't had some kind of an example from someone to show her how to do this? I've never seen this before."
I started realizing that something was wrong, with the stealing at least. I know that at about age seven I was aware that my fathers beating and yelling were wrong. My mother tells me that that's when I started telling her to leave him, to save us all and move away somewhere, but she never did.
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