|
Page 6
Anya
August 22, 1995
Anya's Apartment, Sunset District, San Francisco
MW: You mentioned that you spent a lot of time growing up at the Jewish Community Center. Could you talk a little bit about what role that played in your life, growing up, and what role it plays now?
Anya: I grew up going to JCC after-school day care. One of my first jobs was at the JCC. My mom worked there. It has always been a part of my life, I knew everyone. It's like going back to a family.
Since I found out, there is a food delivery service through Jewish Family and Children's Services for people living with HIV. You don't have to be really sick to get it; they don't feel like anyone "doesn't deserve it." If it helps you then.... So, I did that for a while, and even though it was hard to receive help, it also felt really supportive. I began to do my first public speaking in the Jewish community through JCC, to talk to Jewish people about what it was like to have HIV. More recently, an article ran in the Bulletin about some speaking my mom and I did, and people have been finding out about my status through that article.
I don't want to put myself in a situation where I risk getting hurt, but I don't feel ashamed about being HIV positive. I've gone back to my high school and talked to current students about being positive. People can think what they want to think about how I was infected. What's most important is, I want other people who are infected to know they don't have to feel ashamed. You're not alone.
I want to reach uninfected people and show them it could happen to them.
Also there is an element of self-healing that takes place in sharing my story.
Kids sometimes say, "You fucked up. You made a big mistake, but all you can
do is move on." And I think about that. I really don't feel like I made a
big mistake anymore.
MW: Can you explain that transition?
Anya: I felt a lot of shame when I found out I was positive. When I saw Michael, I was sure that I was protecting myself all the time. I probably was scared at the time, but I didn't admit it. After I found out that I had been infected, I thought that they had all been right and I was wrong and that I didn't care about myself enough to listen to all their rules at the time. My parents invested all their time and energy in me and I fucked up. I'm going to die and that will all be gone. Sometimes I still question my mom, "Do you think I fucked up?" But for the most part, I feel that I made a decision based on what I thought was right at the time.
Back to top