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Page 4
Anya
August 22, 1995
Anya's Apartment, Sunset District, San Francisco
MW: How is it when you get a really low T-cell count and you're thinking, I'm going to die in a month or so, and that month passes only to find you still alive?
Anya: I didn't even know really what low T-cells meant. I just knew I didn't have very many. I panicked. I could be sick any time. People kept saying to me, "Anya, your numbers are low, but how do you feel?" And I felt fine. "Well, why don't you focus on that instead of what the numbers say?" So, that's what I did eventually and it really helped.
With Chinese medicine, people have often said to me that they see HIV as something you can live with, a chronic, manageable virus. Western medicine basically outlines the stages up to death. "When this happens to you, when you need to go into the hospital, when you get sick you need to take this stuff." To me, it's not a matter of when it's a matter of if. It's hard to go against what your doctor is telling you is best, when your intuition tells you it's not.
I'm not taking any anti-virals; when I took AZT I felt funky,
I had headaches, I lost energy, and my brain was working slower. I realized
that no matter how long I had left, I didn't want to feel like that. I took
Chinese herbs and talked to people I had a lot of trust in
and got support to discontinue AZT. I take two antibiotics
because studies show that when people take them they get certain infections
a lot less. I think that's realistic, but with AZT my blood work wasn't looking
any better. I eat well. I take tons of vitamins; I do acupuncture
regularly. I try to focus on restoring balance to my life, my health, and
my relationships.
MW: I want to back up just a little bit and talk about what you went through with revealing your status to your family and close friends.
Anya: I tried desperately to call people and no one was home. Now, I'm happy that they weren't, because I wouldn't have wanted to tell them over the phone. The first person I told, besides David, was my big sister, who lived next door, whom I'm really close to. I didn't cry until she started crying. When her husband came home, he was really warm, that made me feel people are really there for you when you need them to be. My sister and I agreed we would call my parents. So, I went to their house and told them, which was the worst feeling in the world. I wanted their support, but I didn't want to hurt them. "Your youngest daughter has HIV." They knew about Michael and I was always confidant that I protected myself, I'd be fine, I wouldn't get infected... But they were wonderful. We all cried together, but after that was when they were really supportive.
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