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Anya & Mateo, 2000.
Anya
March 23, 2000
Meredyth wanted me to fill in a few blanks from my first interview. She wanted to know what had happened to Michael, who I was infected by. He died of AIDS in late 1993. I found out through a friend, but at that point, I wasn't in touch with him anymore. We were together on and off for two years, but life took us in separate directions. She also wanted to know if I still take advantage of alternative therapies like Chinese Medicine and other holistic approaches now that I am doing so well on the medication. I visit the acupuncturist a couple of times a year and have really slowed down with that approach. To be honest, one thing that helps me feel like a normal person is to not have to take so many supplements and have so many appointments. That is partly why I have cut back on those things. I certainly don't think that they should be considered a second choice to Western medicine, I just made a personal decision to involve myself less in alternative medicine.
I'm going to try and put something into words to explain what it feels like to go on living when you expected to die. When I first had an AIDS diagnosis I sincerely thought that I was going to die before I turned 30. I let go of dreams that I held in my heart and in my own way, said goodbye to people and things that were important to me. Ironically, but wonderfully, I have not died and things keep getting better. I learned to allow myself to accept a future again, and all of the normal stages someone my age goes through. On my 30th birthday I was overjoyed but somewhat sad at the same time. Happy that I hit 30 and things were looking good for me, but sad in some way because I had to kind of un-mourn the loss of myself if that makes any sense. That's it! I have to undo the mourning process that I went through and keep going on with life. It's a good thing, but there is some pain attached to it too because I don't know if I'll have to go through it all again.
I am going to end my update here. I am a work in progress and this is where I am at this point. I would like to think that in several years, I will be able to confidently share my success story of how I outlived HIV and what it felt like to celebrate and dance in the streets with all of the other survivors. Of course, we would never forget those who could not be there to celebrate with us.
» This completes 2000. Continue reading 2005
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