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Anya
March 23, 2000
At some point during 1996, I started taking the new class of medications called Protease Inhibitors. Along with two other drugs I was taking, these new meds completely changed things around for me. Up until then, I was living with very few t-cells. I had been ranging between 6-20 since my diagnosis. It felt like I had no ground beneath my feet; any infection could just come around the bend and send me spiraling downhill towards death. Once I began taking the new combination cocktail, my viral load became undetectable (which means that there was suddenly no detectable HIV virus in my bloodstream). My t-cells eventually went up to 350. I figured out recently, that I have been "undetectable" for four years and my t-cells have been stable for close to two years. I worry much less about getting sick and dying, and can focus more on future plans.
Before our wedding, I stopped working at the acupuncture clinic and decided to go on Social Security Disability for a while. In the meantime, I worked very part-time and facilitated two peer support groups on the side. I was hoping to reduce the stress in my life and take some time to figure out what my next step was going to be. During this time, I volunteered at an improvisational theater company that also offered classes to the public. With the director's support, I created a special workshop program called LAUGHINGSTOCK. This program offered free classes to others living with HIV. I was responsible for the recruitment of volunteer teachers, participants, and all of the publicity and outreach. LAUGHINGSTOCK became so successful that we had to put people on waiting lists. It was my baby, in a sense. Although I went on to work full time and had to let go of running program, it continues today without me.
The time away from work was helpful, but I became extremely restless on disability.
I started to feel like I was hiding from life and that I needed to start thinking
long-term again. In 1998, I decided that I wanted to try working full-time
for the first time in my life. So, now instead of going downhill and dying,
as I expected, I was looking for full-time work and moving on with life. After
a lot of soul-searching and job searching, I found a position at a non-profit
employment agency in the Jewish community. I had only looked for social work
positions in the HIV community, but it occurred to me that I would burn out
pretty quickly if I went that route. So, knowing that I still wanted to do
meaningful work for an organization I felt good about, I found my way to where
I now work. I am a Program Assistant for a small department and I coordinate
a workshop program, which I really enjoy. I have been at this job for one
and a half years now.
Mateo and I talk about having children and we would most likely adopt. We also talk about wanting to own a house one day and living slightly outside of San Francisco. Last October, we traveled to Europe together and we hope to do more traveling in the future. So, that's where I'm at now.
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